I am walking up the very steep San Francisco hill that leads to my new plum colored apartment. I can feel my naked butt rubbing against the silky material of my dress. Apparently, my tights are in cahoots with my underwear and they have made the decision to hold hands and work their way down before they make the great escape. I am guessing they were both hoping I wouldn't notice, or that there is power in numbers or maybe they have both had it for today. I have my rolling backpack in tow and my lunch bag is draped over the handle so that my hand can loop through the grocery bag handles. The bag is all but stabilizing itself on the handle of the backpack. I have stopped trying to engineer the perfect balancing technique so that I can comfortably make it up the hill. Well, as comfortable as you can be with your tights and underwear mid-thigh. I guess I could remedy that problem as well but the middle of the street seems an inappropriate place to lift my dress up and adjust my undergarments. Although, it is San Francisco and I have seen much more offensive images than what I am considering. Anyway, the other grocery bag is in my left hand. Almost there! I landed off the bus without the groceries but the store closes at 8 and I couldn't face the hill twice so I made a decision and here I am, right here and this is my moment.
Here I am in this unfamiliar city, with different stores, unknown people, and new ways of existing. I am standing on this hill and the day preceding this moment has been spent at Firehorse, my second day. A Canadian wanting a haircut in the middle of her bike-ride through the city stopped in and I was happily there to greet her (and thankfully as she was my first and only haircut of the day). She won't be a repeat customer because Canada is far but our time together was nice all the same. She was my ray of hope today. The one walk-in client to the salon that is not the Plum but where I now do what I do... or wait to do what I do as it were. I am officially starting a business again. Before that, I got a call saying that the closing of the loft that houses my far away successful business has been signed over. The sale has gone through in a very unexpected way and later than planned. What was supposed to be a source of great joy and income has become abundant in life lessons and spiritual growth rather than in pocket. The economy of today made it so that I am struggling to break even on the sale, a devastating financial blow that has had me in tears of panic, then tears of gratitude for Amy, my companion in this journey, and then tears of anguish as awful gets worse and then finally, on a hill with my naked butt hanging out. What could be my most unpleasant moment is leaving me with a bizarre response, which is of course laughter. Is this not a hilarious moment of hysterical devastation? I've walked away from everything I love, everything I poured my soul and love and knowledge into and walked towards total and utter chaos, literally climbing up hill to somewhere I don't fully recognize working at a place that I have had three clients since arriving through the doors of Firehorse. This is either insane or one of the best times in my life that I will forever be grateful for... which is why I am laughing. This may very well be the moment that stops the tears of anguish as I realize that as scared as I feel, I am fearless in my efforts to be alive. I walked toward this because I didn't want to miss out on all that life has to offer. I love the Plum so much. I love my clients so very much (being able to come and see you is a tremendous gift). I love the money that was going to come to me when handing the keys to my dear friend. I hope that some still does. I hope lots of money comes to me (and I am saying this concerned that in light of the current situation, the universe is confused at my request. Let this be the moment it takes note of the confusion and readjusts its plan for me!) This moment, this naked uphill moment is mine and all I do with it is laugh and be grateful and that is the person I am. Discovering that you are a pretty cool person is priceless and a fine trade for your heart and soul as there isn't anything about my or your heart and soul that hasn't been everywhere we go. Am I really trading or just adding to the fabulous story that is my life?
I can only wish this for anyone who reads this. Take these moments of life and see them for what they are, an opportunity to trade bad thoughts for laughter, for negative judgements to transform themselves into peaceful accepting joy, for devastated situations to turn into the most growth filled moments of your life.
... that seems fair to me.
